Waster

Waster

Waste shoots down municipal tunnels

Gargles through holes

Is stirred with chemicals till sterile
Then pumped into the waters

I dwell on the thought that my molecules

Will return pristine to the biosphere
The recycling gives me comfort

I will become waste too

Shit Or Dirt Or Blood

Shit Or Dirt Or Blood

I was reading Bukowski again

when I noticed a fleck of

shit or dirt

or blood

on the page

and I thought

it fitted there

as good as

any word

My Body Again Disagreed With My Head

My Body Again Disagreed With My Head

I told myself that I'm happy alone

Then dreamt of limbs wrapped together in bed

Thus when I found that I woke on my own

My body again disagreed with my head

In older days it would be a haunting

They'd call the priest in low tones of dread

To silence the devil his daemonic taunting

A crucifix pressed against me till it fled

Crop

Crop

A crop has grown within my brain

The harvest of a neural strain

It bears the rotting of our faith

I pluck the fruit to fill a space

To crowd the horror of the void

That nectar drowns my empty hive -

Pour those weepings in a cup

Drink up, drink up

Here's a drink for every wasted hour

That you spent with me

Lap it up and don't be sober

Drink that crop of misery

I wear my own mammalian skin

It feels like I'm an alien

An insect crawling in the sun

Beneath my conscious light I run
From brightness to the dark alone

To safety in the closing gloam -

Pour your madness in a cup

Drink up, drink up

Here's a drink for every wasted hour

That you spent with me

Lap it up and don't be sober

Drink that crop of misery

That sheaf feels rough held in your hand

You've grown the crop of this bleak land

And though the mill stone grinding is

The only music left for us

We will never leave this hated

Plot dried out emaciated -

Pour your struggle in a cup

Drunk up, drink up

Here's a drink for every wasted hour

That you spent with me

Lap it up and don't be sober

Drink that crop of misery

Speyicide

I first sang this song at fourteen years old

Skipping class, to free my head, and walking home alone
Stood upon the bridge of Spey, imagined how I'd drown
I wanted free of life and pain, so I wrote this down:

I want to get fucked and jump in the Spey
I want to get fucked and be dragged away
I want to get fucked and float to the moon
I want to get fucked and drown in the monsoon
But dying would solve nothing
So I might as well just live
The world is my afterlife
Life is my abyss

Felt my life was worth nothing, and wanted it stopped
Was a cog turning in an - unintelligible clock
Wished I could escape to a realm beyond my breath
Though I hadn't realised what it meant to accept death

I want to get fucked and jump in the Spey
I want to get fucked and be dragged away
I want to get fucked and float to the moon
I want to get fucked and drown in the monsoon
But dying would solve nothing
So I might as well just live
The world is my afterlife
Life is my abyss
But dying would solve nothing
So I might as well just live
The world is my afterlife
Life is my abyss

Now I'm old, cantankerous, broken, shredded, torn
When I've truly wished for death, I don't regret being born
And all that remains of my nihilistic teenage gloom
Is a fourteen year old little me, trapped in that catchy tune

I want to get fucked and jump in the Spey
I want to get fucked and be dragged away
I want to get fucked and float to the moon
I want to get fucked and drown in the monsoon
But dying would solve nothing
So I might as well just live
The world is my afterlife
Life is my abyss
But dying would solve nothing
So I might as well just live
The world is my afterlife
Life is my abyss