Speyicide

I first sang this song at fourteen years old

Skipping class, to free my head, and walking home alone
Stood upon the bridge of Spey, imagined how I'd drown
I wanted free of life and pain, so I wrote this down:

I want to get fucked and jump in the Spey
I want to get fucked and be dragged away
I want to get fucked and float to the moon
I want to get fucked and drown in the monsoon
But dying would solve nothing
So I might as well just live
The world is my afterlife
Life is my abyss

Felt my life was worth nothing, and wanted it stopped
Was a cog turning in an - unintelligible clock
Wished I could escape to a realm beyond my breath
Though I hadn't realised what it meant to accept death

I want to get fucked and jump in the Spey
I want to get fucked and be dragged away
I want to get fucked and float to the moon
I want to get fucked and drown in the monsoon
But dying would solve nothing
So I might as well just live
The world is my afterlife
Life is my abyss
But dying would solve nothing
So I might as well just live
The world is my afterlife
Life is my abyss

Now I'm old, cantankerous, broken, shredded, torn
When I've truly wished for death, I don't regret being born
And all that remains of my nihilistic teenage gloom
Is a fourteen year old little me, trapped in that catchy tune

I want to get fucked and jump in the Spey
I want to get fucked and be dragged away
I want to get fucked and float to the moon
I want to get fucked and drown in the monsoon
But dying would solve nothing
So I might as well just live
The world is my afterlife
Life is my abyss
But dying would solve nothing
So I might as well just live
The world is my afterlife
Life is my abyss