The Hallucinations of J.K. Rowling

The Hallucinations of J.K. Rowling

A play in one scene

written by

John Morrice

CAST

J.K., alcoholic schizophrenic beat period novelist.

Charli, J.K.'s abusive friend.

Potter, J.K.'s sadistic hallucination.

                  J.K'S DIRTY FLAT. J.K. LIES IN BED, DUVET  
                  COVERING HER LEGS. SHE WEARS A WIFE-BEATER 
                  VEST. HARRY POTTER IS SEATED.
                  CHARLI IS HEARD FROM OFF-STAGE

CHARLI: Hello? Hello? Hello? (ENTER CHARLI)
        (QUIETLY) Oh. (PAUSE) Hi.

J.K.: Fuck! (PAUSE) What time is it?

CHARLI: (DISAPPROVING) Uhhhhhh it's after ten.

J.K.: (DISAPPOINTED) Fuck.

POTTER: Fuck.

J.K.: I was gonna get some drink at the shop.

CHARLI: You're such a fucking jakie.

J.K.: Chuck us one of those tinnies, please.

CHARLI: Nuh.

J.K.: What? How?

CHARLI: I thought you needed to buy drink?

J.K.: Need more for writing later.

CHARLI: What the fuck? I thought we were going to the cinema!

J.K.: What?

CHARLI: You said you wanted to see Titanic with us!

J.K.: Oh yeah. (PAUSE) It looks a bit shit though.

CHARLI: It's amazing! I've seen it four times!

J.K.: Go chuck us a beer.

CHARLI: You don't care about me!

J.K.: (CLUTCHES OWN HEAD) GAAAAAAAAH

CHARLI: For fuck's sake. Here's your fucking beer then.

                    CHARLI THROWS BEER CAN AT J.K. IT FALLS 
                    SHORT. J.K. GETS OUT OF BED TO PICK IT 
                    UP. SHE IS NAKED BELOW WAIST.

CHARLI: That's fucking disgusting. (PAUSE) Oh my god. 
        I'm going.

                    EXIT CHARLIE

                    J.K. DRINKS BEER, GLUGGING QUICKLY.

POTTER: That's better, isn't it?

                    J.K. BEGINS TO CRY

Shut your ugly fucking mouth and get some paper.

J.K.: Okay Harry.

                    J.K. WRITES AS POTTER NARRATES

POTTER: Oh Potter, you rotter, oh what have you done. You're 
        killing off students, you think it's good fun.

                    CURTAIN